Lockdown was a troubling time filled with unexpected challenges – the virtual office, online learning, domestic chores, and so much more. Another area that was unexpectedly exposed during this time was the partner relationship.
Olivia Bowden of Global News posted last year that a higher number of people sought divorces, and lawyers were only expecting more in the months following the summer of 2020. Unfortunately, with more and more people losing access to critical resources such as counseling and family therapy, people began to lose hope. However, I believe there are many people who are not only grateful that the pandemic exposed the vulnerabilities of their relationship but are ready to do the repair work. After the challenges of this past year, your relationship can become disaster-proof.
You Both Need Change
When the failures are exposed, and you believe you see the relationship for what it truly is, you have two choices:
-
Yell, scream and protest until you find a way to escape without trying to rectify the situation.
-
Stay and strengthen your relationship, your marriage, and your future.
If you chose the second option, read on. We will discuss how to move beyond the past hurts, challenges and repair broken fragments of your relationship. Here is your very own couple relationship guide to help solve your pandemic problems.
Deciding and Recognizing the Need for Change
It is the most significant relationship, and lockdown forced closed quarters and little time to yourself. So you did not have the escape of the spa, nights out with friends, or even simple distractions.
For many of us, lockdown revealed the unhappiness already present in your relationship. It also revealed the struggle you might face to survive in your own home. But, unfortunately, it might have been the epiphany that you knew was coming. If so, you relied on the outside world to keep you distracted, busy, and constantly filling the gaps of your partnership.
After some careful thought, you might have admitted that you were drifting along all this time. You might have even settled for the idea that “life was good enough” with the hustle and bustle of taking care of your kids, visiting in-laws, and seeing your parents.
How Do I Improve My Relationship?
All this time, you might have been counting on the promotion that would improve everything. But, unfortunately, this was not the case. Instead, the pandemic changed your routine, forced you to remain insular, and made you reflect more deeply on the intimate areas of your life.
Over time, you felt your thoughts shift, and the necessity of escaping your situation became more critical. Finally, it was time for you to start over, make a change, or start a new chapter. So, for those of you waiting to have that fateful “talk” with your spouse, here are some ways to make your relationship better, not broken.
Start Talking
Nothing is more discouraging than a poor conversation or one that does not discuss anything important. For those who struggle communicating with their spouses, here are some tips to make any conversation productive for both parties:
-
Make them frequent. (daily or weekly)
-
Brief can be better. Try focussing on a single topic for 20+ minutes.
-
Write down your new agreements and insights.
-
Don’t get defensive.
-
Ensure a win-win.
-
Be a good listener.
If you practice these, you and your spouse will continue to have productive talks and get to the root of what is causing your relationship struggles.
Become Relationship Oriented
It is unrealistic for you to believe that you can fix your relationship challenges with a single conversation. You and your spouse both likely have individual issues that prevent you from being good relationship material.
Look at the following three suggestions to be more relationship oriented.
-
Remove selfish and self centred behaviour. Become other-oriented.
-
Listen more thoughtfully. Compliment your spouse more regularly and genuinely.
-
Ask questions to clear misunderstandings. Ask questions to know them better.
-
Be more accessible and responsive.
You both deserve a relationship that gives what you would like to receive.
Embrace a Growth Mindset
A growth mindset is the opposite of victim mentality; it means looking for ways to learn and expand your knowledge; it requires that you see beyond roadblocks, grow and evolve. While this may not be your first instinct, embracing the idea that you can learn how to be a better partner will help create a more positive and welcoming environment for both of you. Your relationship is likely to need a reset, but you also can put in the work. Remember that every couple has problems, and you can solve yours. So, don’t hesitate to move towards reconciliation and forgiveness.
Follow Up with Your Spouse
Now that you have begun to employ some of these strategies, you need to connect regularly with your spouse. Make sure that they feel heard, respected and maintain healthy communication. This will be the key to improving your relationship over time.
The most important part of this is letting your spouse know that they matter and that their presence matters in your life. After all, the best relationships are founded on communication and the ability to work through any challenge.
Continue to Build the Connection
When you and your partner complete the first steps, it is still essential to maintain your relationship and continue working together towards a healthy balance. Then, as an individual, you can delete your negative thoughts and focus on being accessible and responsible.
Give your partner the love and affection they deserve by showing appreciation as long and often as you want and need. Most importantly, be intentional about your actions and your communication. People might believe that love can fade, but a study conducted by Peter Dockrill showed that your characteristics are less important than the type of relationship you build.
As long as you work together, you can sustain your love and your relationship. As long as you are prepared for the commitment, you can overcome these obstacles.
Conclusion
Overcoming your relationship struggles is not impossible. However, working together to uncover what needs to be fixed is most successful with open, collaborative, attentive work with your partner. Seeing the reckoning of your relationship can be your greatest gift or your worst nightmare.
If you choose to learn from this, your relationship will be stronger than ever before. As the most crucial relationship in your life, you owe it to yourself and your partner to follow these steps and see the gift of the pandemic and what it can provide you in the coming years.
Get your Guide to Lasting Love for a blueprint to relationship success.
Lockdown was a troubling time filled with unexpected challenges – the virtual office, online learning, domestic chores, and so much more. Another area that was unexpectedly exposed during this time was the partner relationship.
Olivia Bowden of Global News posted last year that a higher number of people sought divorces, and lawyers were only expecting more in the months following the summer of 2020. Unfortunately, with more and more people losing access to critical resources such as counseling and family therapy, people began to lose hope. However, I believe there are many people who are not only grateful that the pandemic exposed the vulnerabilities of their relationship but are ready to do the repair work. After the challenges of this past year, your relationship can become disaster-proof.
You Both Need Change
When the failures are exposed, and you believe you see the relationship for what it truly is, you have two choices:
-
Yell, scream and protest until you find a way to escape without trying to rectify the situation.
-
Stay and strengthen your relationship, your marriage, and your future.
If you chose the second option, read on. We will discuss how to move beyond the past hurts, challenges and repair broken fragments of your relationship. Here is your very own couple relationship guide to help solve your pandemic problems.
Deciding and Recognizing the Need for Change
It is the most significant relationship, and lockdown forced closed quarters and little time to yourself. So you did not have the escape of the spa, nights out with friends, or even simple distractions.
For many of us, lockdown revealed the unhappiness already present in your relationship. It also revealed the struggle you might face to survive in your own home. But, unfortunately, it might have been the epiphany that you knew was coming. If so, you relied on the outside world to keep you distracted, busy, and constantly filling the gaps of your partnership.
After some careful thought, you might have admitted that you were drifting along all this time. You might have even settled for the idea that “life was good enough” with the hustle and bustle of taking care of your kids, visiting in-laws, and seeing your parents.
How Do I Improve My Relationship?
All this time, you might have been counting on the promotion that would improve everything. But, unfortunately, this was not the case. Instead, the pandemic changed your routine, forced you to remain insular, and made you reflect more deeply on the intimate areas of your life.
Over time, you felt your thoughts shift, and the necessity of escaping your situation became more critical. Finally, it was time for you to start over, make a change, or start a new chapter. So, for those of you waiting to have that fateful “talk” with your spouse, here are some ways to make your relationship better, not broken.
Start Talking
Nothing is more discouraging than a poor conversation or one that does not discuss anything important. For those who struggle communicating with their spouses, here are some tips to make any conversation productive for both parties:
-
Make them frequent. (daily or weekly)
-
Brief can be better. Try focussing on a single topic for 20+ minutes.
-
Write down your new agreements and insights.
-
Don’t get defensive.
-
Ensure a win-win.
-
Be a good listener.
If you practice these, you and your spouse will continue to have productive talks and get to the root of what is causing your relationship struggles.
Become Relationship Oriented
It is unrealistic for you to believe that you can fix your relationship challenges with a single conversation. You and your spouse both likely have individual issues that prevent you from being good relationship material.
Look at the following three suggestions to be more relationship oriented.
-
Remove selfish and self centred behaviour. Become other-oriented.
-
Listen more thoughtfully. Compliment your spouse more regularly and genuinely.
-
Ask questions to clear misunderstandings. Ask questions to know them better.
-
Be more accessible and responsive.
You both deserve a relationship that gives what you would like to receive.
Embrace a Growth Mindset
A growth mindset is the opposite of victim mentality; it means looking for ways to learn and expand your knowledge; it requires that you see beyond roadblocks, grow and evolve. While this may not be your first instinct, embracing the idea that you can learn how to be a better partner will help create a more positive and welcoming environment for both of you. Your relationship is likely to need a reset, but you also can put in the work. Remember that every couple has problems, and you can solve yours. So, don’t hesitate to move towards reconciliation and forgiveness.
Follow Up with Your Spouse
Now that you have begun to employ some of these strategies, you need to connect regularly with your spouse. Make sure that they feel heard, respected and maintain healthy communication. This will be the key to improving your relationship over time.
The most important part of this is letting your spouse know that they matter and that their presence matters in your life. After all, the best relationships are founded on communication and the ability to work through any challenge.
Continue to Build the Connection
When you and your partner complete the first steps, it is still essential to maintain your relationship and continue working together towards a healthy balance. Then, as an individual, you can delete your negative thoughts and focus on being accessible and responsible.
Give your partner the love and affection they deserve by showing appreciation as long and often as you want and need. Most importantly, be intentional about your actions and your communication. People might believe that love can fade, but a study conducted by Peter Dockrill showed that your characteristics are less important than the type of relationship you build.
As long as you work together, you can sustain your love and your relationship. As long as you are prepared for the commitment, you can overcome these obstacles.
Conclusion
Overcoming your relationship struggles is not impossible. However, working together to uncover what needs to be fixed is most successful with open, collaborative, attentive work with your partner. Seeing the reckoning of your relationship can be your greatest gift or your worst nightmare.
If you choose to learn from this, your relationship will be stronger than ever before. As the most crucial relationship in your life, you owe it to yourself and your partner to follow these steps and see the gift of the pandemic and what it can provide you in the coming years.
Get your Guide to Lasting Love for a blueprint to relationship success.
